What's wrong with this query letter?

Sheryl Cline (1)
Laura Geringer Books (2)
557 Broadway
New York, NY 10012


Dear Sheryl (3),


Thanx (4) for talking with me on the phone. When Art (5) said at that conference (6) that he would love to publish my book (7), I was very pleased (8). He said "Wizard Magick High" (9) would be great for you and earn lots of money (10). It's sort of like that book, "Harry Potter", written by a woman from England. Have you heard of her? (11) I want you to know that I would very happy to make any changes to my book, if you find anything you want to change. (12) I also have lots of ideas for toys and games and posters and things, and have plans for a whole series--a "Sweet Valley High with Wands" sort of thing. I'm currently working on the screenplay. (13) I'm sending along my book as an e-mail attachment (14), and I would be happy if you could get to it quickly. (15)


Thanx again,


Missy Snodgrass

P.S. Alot of other publishers are also reading it now (16), and if we could get the book published by my birthday next April, that would be magical. ;-) (17)

Cheryl Klein explains the errors on her site. On behalf of the Society for the Promotion of Good Grammar, I would like to point out (16a): "a lot" is two words.