Organizing the Bookcase

How organized is your bookcase? If you're like me, you probably reorganize it every so often, but it's an ongoing process. Check out this fun video sent by Liz Mills.

A bit of book-signing comedy

Thanks to Judy Enderle for the video.

Feeling down about yourself?

Then you need to watch a master in empowerment get ready for her day...

A possibly insincere book rejection

This comes from a blog called Futility Closet, and was sent my way by Craig Conley, author of One Letter Words (the strangest and most entertaining dictionary I own).

The following is said to be an exact translation of the letter sent by a Chinese editor to a would-be contributor whose manuscript he found it necessary to return: ‘Illustrious brother of the sun and moon: Behold thy servant prostrate before thy feet. I kowtow to thee, and beg that of thy graciousness thou mayst grant that I may speak and live. Thy honored manuscript has deigned to cast the light of its august countenance upon us. With raptures we have perused it. By the bones of my ancestors, never have I encountered such wit, such pathos, such lofty thought. With fear and trembling I return the writing. Were I to publish the treasure you sent me, the emperor would order that it should be made the standard and that none be published except such as equaled it. Knowing literature as I do, and that it would be impossible in ten thousand years to equal what you have done, I send your writing back. Ten thousand times I crave your pardon. Behold my head is at your feet. Do what you will. Your servant’s servant. The Editor.’

– The Literary World, March 23, 1895

Dana Sullivan: dead funny!

Dana thanks Liz Mills for the idea.

Dana Sullivan offers room service

Lucky Paul Rodeen! Well, sort of.

Elizabeth Law (@egmontgal) talks more cowbell and less vampire #scbwiwwa

We're having some technical difficulties in Salon 1. In short, we have no audio. So Elizabeth Law is acting out this SNL skit on cowbell. I'm now a fan of having no audio, because it leads to performance art by Elizabeth. Outstanding!

(And now, she just gave the A/V guy a cowbell. Zing!)



Elizabeth's twitter name is @egmontgal. Do yourself a favor and follow her there.

All an editor is looking for is the big tomato: juicy, specific, and one that she identifies with when she's reading. She's not looking for a formula or to fill a slot on her list. She's looking for something she recognizes and likes.

Her regrets are publishing things she didn't like but thought would make a lot of money. She won't do that again.

The way to build a hit is to find a good book that you really like and get behind it and bang the drum for it. WHEN YOU REACH ME was not an easy book to sell into bookstores. It just kept on selling, and then Rebecca Stead went on NPR and it sold 40,000 copies in a month.

Elizabeth disclosed she'd sleep with someone at NPR to sell that many books, which is a beautiful show of dedication, isn't it?

Egmont USA is a tiny company, just eight people.

There are a number of questions she has to answer every time she buys a book. Here are a few:

• Who is the audience?
• Where will it sell?
• What is it like and how have those books sold (she doesn't love this part)

We should know what the selling points are for our own books. "Tragically, 'this book is really great' does not work."

(Fascinating E. Law trivia: She shampoos with Alpecin Caffeine Shampoo, which apparently isn't legal in the U.S.)

Is your career over if you pitch an editor in the bathroom? #scbwiwwa

No, it is not. Mitali Perkins just confessed pitching Cheryl Klein of Scholastic in just such a venue.

Quote of the day: Michael Bourret #scbwiwwa

"How many of you are unpublished?"

(Many hands are raised.)

"Being unpublished is a very special time in your career."

(Much laughter.)

Elizabeth Law: the fun begins #scbwiwwa

Whoever assigned her to be the caboose in the faculty train was a genius. She got the first faculty laugh of the day by encouraging a personal round of applause.

Also, Joni has promised a gnome. I will be very disappointed if she doesn't make good on that.

Opening remarks: Joni Sensel, Laurie Thompson, and Kim Baker #scbwiwwa

Did you know that 350 or so people stomping on the ground sounds like rain? It really does!

And with this rain, we are introducing our conference faculty. Except that no one is coming in the door. Good thing Kim is wearing sensible shoes so she can run back and invite them in.

And now, she is running back a second time. Excellent!

A limerick for the ages

Peg Kehret sent this along, and it seemed like a fine way to celebrate National Poetry Month.

A new class of antidepressants
Is targeted at adolescents.
They lose track of time,
Of meter, of rhyme,
I mean, it's like really sad.

Hahahahaha!

Dana Sullivan's latest ponders the most irritating question we hear from people who have no idea how great kids' books are these days. Zing!

Sex and the single writer

The Rejectionist has a very funny send-up of the romance advice in Cosmo and how it might apply to your pursuit of an agent:

At Cosmo's Fun Fearless Males the Booker Awards, Mario Lopez Hilary Mantel confessed, "I'm not really working on trying to find Ms. Right an agent. I'm kind of working on being Mr. Right a totally amazing writer, and it will happen." It got us thinking: Not only is Mario Hilary freakin' hot, [s]he's also pretty damn insightful. And experts agree: Before you go looking for your other half the perfect agent, you may want to work on yourself book first.

Here are the qualities that make you more desirable to guys agents. Think of it as your pre-dating querying to-do list.

1. You're just that into yourself.

A chick writer may have smarts, sex appeal, and a sense of humor, but if s/he doesn't have self-confidence, most guys agents will take a pass. Womenriters with low self-esteem come across as extremely needy, explains Jim Houran, PhD, relationship psychologist and feature columnist for OnlineDatingMagazine.com. They have to be the center of attention and are constantly looking for reassurance and compliments. And even if you find an guy agent who at first is willing to be your personal cheerleader, before long s/he's probably going to start to agree with all the crap you say about yourself book and take a hike.

Read the whole thing.

Do you have a signature cliche?

My agent looked at a manuscript recently and said, "You like the word [DELETED FOR THE SAKE OF MY PRIDE]."

There's a funny article on the Guardian.com about this very topic. Read it here.

Then, try pasting your document into Wordle.net. Especially for shorter works, it can make your crutch words leap out at you swiftly and in embarrassing fashion. But better here than later. Trust me.

The day jobs of famous writers

Check out this amusing chart (and why is it that the one woman is paid a puny fraction of what the men made?):



See the big version of the whole thing at Lapham's Quarterly.

Happy National Grammar Day

I thought you writers might like some of the National Grammar Day highlights: a video by Grammar Girl and a funny bit of grammar noir by a former Baltimore Sun copy editor, John McIntyre.

You'll find these things on the Society for the Promotion of Good Grammar blog.

He had me at "undead folks ... after our brains"

Adding the zombie cat? Even better. Check out Stix & Bones, a new comic by our colleague Darrell Toland.

Why is Tina Fey in the Chinook Update?

Because she's Tina Fey. Hush up and watch. (Oh, but I kid. She says something funny about confidence being 10 percent hard work and 90 percent delusion, and it seemed like a useful thing to keep in mind.)

The best book ever

Wow, it's like someone has put a secret camera in my office and is recording my methods of working. Weird that they're calling me "Lev," though.